Fashion Mope and Hotel Soap
by TheTBone
Summary: Deleted scene from chapter 8 of "Pageantry." Erin gives Olivia a lesson in fashion, Olivia gives Erin a lesson in grammar, and Elliot teaches a guy a lesson about smiling at Olivia in the hallway. Oneshot.


**I would lie to all of you and brag about how I own the rights to SVU, but Olivia might find out…and she has a gun…**

"Have no fear, I am here. I'm showered, changed, and – if you can believe it – even more gorgeous than before. I know I know, you might have trouble grasping this incredible concept considering my immense beauty before, but emerge and alas! You shall see that it is true! Come, come, I summon you out from hiding, noble creatures!" Erin said walking out of the bathroom in her dress, twirling it around like a cartoon princess, her hands in the air and flashing an one thousand watt smile.

"Are you high on something? Because as an employee in law enforcement I'm legally obligated to cease the illegal substance and report this suspicious activity," Olivia called from her bedroom.

"Nope, no drugs here. Just high on life!" Erin retorted.

"Eh, I've seen better," Olivia joked, examining Erin's attire and walking past her to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. "But you do smell good, not to sound creepy."

"First of all, I take offense to that," she said putting her hands down and returning her face to a neutral expression. "And second of all, it must be the soap. Miniature hotel soap always smells better than regular soap, it's a proven fact."

"According to who?"

"Oh, I just polled myself a second ago. Therefore I proved it."

"I see."

"Olivia, come on, you have to get ready. Elliot is going to be here in like an hour to escort down to the ballroom for your lovely little dinner date," she said as she nudged Olivia, who was taking a swig of water.

"First of all, this isn't a date; it's us making sure you don't get murdered. And second of all, I am ready," she said, screwing the plastic cap back on the bottle.

Erin laughed a little, eying her attire of her average, everyday wear consisting of a brown suede jacket and black dress pants.

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "What are you laughing at?"

"Wait, you aren't seriously wearing that are you?"

"Yes?" She asked, unsure of the problem, mindlessly toying with the cap.

"No you're not."

"Or not? What's wrong with this?" She asked, setting down the beverage and self-consciously ironing invisible wrinkles out of her with her hands.

"Nothing is wrong _per-say_, but don't you want to look smashing for Mr. Stabler?" Erin didn't give Olivia a chance to answer, instead grabbing her hand and leading her to her bedroom to take inventory of her closet. "We have so much to do. So much. You're going on a date with Elliot for God's sake; you've got to kill him by enhancing your natural gorgeousness. You're got to dress to impress and use clothes that fawn to turn him on."

"That was a cute little rhyme you had going there. But I don't need to do that. He's already seen me in these clothes, why should I change it now? I'm pretty sure he already knows what I look like. In fact, if he doesn't he's extremely unobservant. Even more so than usual guys."

"Olivia," she sighed "it's not about that. It's about showing him what he's missing."

"Erin, I'm going to spell this out for you. You're pretty bright so I'm hoping you will eventually get this concept that seems to be tripping you up repeatedly. Listen very carefully, all right?" She said putting her hands on her shoulders and looking her in the eye. "We. Are. Friends," she said, pronouncing each word carefully and slowly as if to a child or puppy.

"Yes." Erin nodded, continuing to look Olivia in the eye. "With benefits."

Olivia narrowed her eyes. "No, not quite. Let's try this again. Elliot plus me equals partners."

"Sexual partners?"

"Erin!" Olivia's eyes widened in shock, and she playfully slapped her on the arm.

Erin laughed and rubbed her arm, breaking out of Olivia's loose grasp to open her closet. Olivia rolled her eyes, but followed the younger girl reluctantly to the edge of the walk-in closet, crossing her arms while Erin walked around. After a few moments she saw Erin look back at her, eyebrows raised in an 'are you serious?' sort of fashion.

"What?" Olivia asked shrugging defensively.

"You have nothing!" She said gesturing at the closet.

"Sure I do! Look around!"

"Um, I did and it looks like a job for Stacy and Clinton."

"Huh?"

"'What Not to Wear.'"

"You just said nothing was wrong with my outfit a few minutes ago and now you think I should go on a TLC show where people make me over? Gee, all of this in a span of about two minutes. What's next, a suggestion for plastic surgery?"

"Don't be silly, we don't have time for that."

"I smacked you once, I'll do it again," Olivia pointed a finger and cocked an eyebrow in an over exaggerated, joking fashion with just a dash of serious threat looming under her pupils in a 'don't test me' sort of way.

"I wouldn't put it past you," Erin said solemnly, "but seriously Olivia, you have like six shirts in different colors. I'm no fashion expert or really even slightly interested in it, but as a woman, how do you not see a problem in that?"

"They're comfortable, cheap, and I liked them," explained, shrugging.

"So are pillows, but that doesn't mean you need eight of them," she rationalized.

"First of all, that didn't even make any sense, that's like comparing apples with oranges. And secondly, six."

"Come again?"

"I only have six, not eight. Don't make melodramatic exaggerations."

"Olivia, having this many shirts of the same kind is a cop out."

"I am a cop. Pun intended."

"Oh, dear God. Okay, this closet is officially no help. Come with me," she said, leading her into her own room. "We're just going to have to accessorize the crap out of what we have. All right, take the jacket off."

"Erin-"

"Now."

Olivia huffed and complied, removing the jacket, and slinging it over Erin's bed.

"Good girl," she said like her was complimenting a dog.

"Oh, what do I get a pet on the head and a treat?"

"You have Elliot for that," she said without glancing back.

Olivia sighed and flicked her in the back of the head.

"Ow! Okay, I saw that coming. But next time I'm calling child protective services," Erin warned, cocking an eyebrow.

"Oh you know you deserved it."

"Probably, yeah."

"Hm."

"Aha! Perfect. This scarf will go good with your black coat, put it on."

"It's go well."

"What?"

"It will go 'well' with your black coat, not go 'good.'"

"Whatever, you're not the grammar police."

"Actually-"

"Stop stalling!" she demanded tossing the fabric around her neck. "And you should wear this bracelet," she said, leaning over the bed to snatch a silver bangle. "And this necklace, and this ring. Good, good, this is going well. She said, stepping back and putting her hand to her chin to think. "Something's missing though" she pondered momentarily "…oh! Duh," she snapped her fingers in recognition. "Shoes. You need shoes. Oh! I have these awesome boots my brother got me for Christmas. I know what you're thinking 'what kind of guy knows how to pick out shoes?' because usually they don't. But my brother is actually awesome at that kind of stuff, and he's not even gay. It's pretty convenient, really, especially when-"

"Erin, the shoes."

"Right, right, the shoes. I'm on it," she said leaning to the floor of her closet, and picking up a pair of heeled black boots. "I'm assuming we're about the same size. I'm an eight."

"I'm a nine."

"Eh. You can squeeze."

"But my poor little piggy toes."

"Suck it up. No pain no gain. Put them on!" she said handing them to her.

"Slave driver," Olivia sighed and sat down on the bed to place them on her feet.

Erin ignored the comment. "You need your hair done too. We should curl it; make it all bouncy and lavish and boing-y…"

"Boing-y?"

"Sure, let's go with that. You're going to look totally amaze-balls."

"Amaze-balls?" Olivia asked, laughing a little.

"Yeah, it's a Kardashian signature phrase; they say it all the time."

"Yeah, well the Kardashians say a lot of things, doesn't necessarily mean you should repeat them."

"Hypocrite, you've probably never even seen the Kardashians." Erin waited for a defensive reply. "Oh, come on. You've seriously never seen an episode of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians'? Not even one? What has this world come to? Ugh, we're totally watching E! while I curl your hair, come, come my little Kardashian virgin, you're in for a big treat. Okay, treat's the wrong word…well, you're in for a big…something" she corrected shoving Olivia out the door and poking her with the curling iron.

She went to go find an outlet while Olivia sat on the floor in front of the couch, Indian style, and grabbed the remote, turning it to a shopping network.

"Hand over the remote," Erin said, without even turning around from the plug.

Olivia rolled her eyes and silently mimicked her, throwing the remote on the couch. "You know, I have no idea why I'm listening to you. I'm the adult here. I'm the authority figure, and yet I'm taking orders from you. Care to try to explain that to me?"

"Either you want to look really smoking hot for Elliot or you really love me. Personally I'm thinking it's a little of both, but that's just me," she said, slumping on the couch and turning the volume up on the reality show.

The room was silent for awhile besides the voices of the girls on the television and the sizzling hiss of the curling iron, Erin tenderly wrapping chunks of the short brunette hair around the iron, pressing and applying heat to make tiny ringlets.

After a couple of minutes, and countless times of Olivia squirming in frustration and Erin chastising this behavior, resulting in minutes upon minutes of fruitless, good-natured bickering, Erin was finally done. She clicked off the tool and stepped back to admire her handiwork.

"How do I look?" Olivia asked.

"Perfecto, Madam," Erin said, kissing her fingers in the motion of a French chef after completing a successful dish.

"You do realize that you just used Spanish and French right next to each other, right?"

"I thought 'Madam' was Italian," Erin pondered. "Oh whatever, that's not the point. The point is that you look fantastic, all thanks to me. No, no, no need to thank me, your utter joy and the prospect of your happiness is reward enough," Erin said, putting her hand over her heart.

Olivia walked into the bathroom and stared into the mirror. She had to admit, she didn't look half bad.

"You like it?" she could see Erin behind her in the mirror, biting her lip.

Olivia fingered through it, tossing and flicking it around for a few moments, no doubt putting Erin through agonizing silence and waiting time. "I do," she said cracking a smile. "And thank you, even though you told me not to," she said turning around.

"Glad to be of service, and the real way you can thank me is by tonight you and Elliot-"

There was a knock on the door before Erin could finish, and Olivia made a move to answer it.

"Oh thank God. Bless that holy knock," she said, prancing across the living room, albeit a little awkwardly in the slightly pinching high heels.

"What's with the impromptu ode to the door?"

"It saved me from listening to another vulgar comment and ultimately saved you from getting slapped again, you should be thanking it too."

"Thank you door," Erin called, following Olivia to open it. Right as Olivia put her hand on the handle to make a move to twist the knob Erin stopped her.

"Olivia, be flirty, be happy, and seriously, try and have fun," she whispered before smiling sincerely and playfully covering her face with her hands and squinting depending on if Olivia thought the comment deserved gentle physical chiding.

"Thank you," she said, nodding honestly in return. "You too." She cleared her throat and swung the door open. "Why hello there, sir" she said semi-flirtatiously at the sight of Elliot in his tux, Erin noticed her change in posture, her stance now a hand on her hip and shoulder leaning gently and subconsciously on the door.

"Good evening, penguin," Erin said in the same voice.

"Oh, shut up," Elliot said to Erin, walking into the room. "And hello Liv, you look…really nice tonight. It's nice to see you get dressed up. You deserve it," he said, turning to go deeper into the living room, leaving a spare moment for Erin to give a Olivia a quick, proud 'I told you so' matched by Olivia's exhausted, defeated, half-hearted 'oh, hush it.'

"As do you Erin. I mean, if it was up to me it would cover a little more considering the state of your date, but you do look nice."

"Why thank you. Now I feel bad. Strike the penguin comment; I have to admit you look pretty handsome yourself," Erin resorted. "Although I don't see why you find a problem with the fit of this dress."

"Well, it's just a little revealing, in my opinion. Just, want you to be careful," he said clearing his throat and unknowingly taking a fatherly stance and posture while Erin and Olivia looked on in amusement.

"That's sweet. But if you say something like 'oh our little girl is growing up so fast' or another saying equally as clichéd and sitcom like, I hope you know that I will have no choice and will not hesitate to laugh you clear out of the room."

"Gee, Olivia, our little girl is growing up so fast right before our eyes. It seems like yesterday she was sitting on Santa's lap and her biggest wish was for a pony. Where did all the time go?" Elliot said, pretending to get teary eyed.

"Ha ha," Erin 'laughed' dryly.

"I'm still in the room."

"Well you shouldn't be," Olivia said, speaking up.

"Hurtful," Elliot said, clutching his heart.

"I agree, that was kind of offensive," Erin agreed, siding with Elliot.

"Once again, you didn't let me finish. None of us should be, or else we're going to be late," she said, her head motioning towards the clock.

Elliot checked his watch, "she's right, we should head out," he said, opening the door and holding it for Olivia and Erin.

"Aw, how chivalrous," Erin thanked him, stepping outside.

"Always am," he answered, shutting the door behind him as he too made his way into the hallway.

Just as the three were stepping out of their room, another door swung open to their right and out walked a man, also dressed nicely, and smiled at Olivia. Olivia politely smiled back and waved a bit.

"You know him?" Elliot drifted from his position leading the group to whisper to Olivia.

"Uh, no. Just being friendly," she said, wondering the purpose of the seemingly bizarre question.

Elliot nodded and cleared his throat, at the same thing slipping his arm protectively around his partner and making sure the mysterious stranger saw it.

Olivia blushed a little, and didn't know whether she wanted to kick Elliot for his somewhat rude actions against the probably innocent man, or to be flattered by his act of security.

The man glanced over to see the picture of Elliot's careful nod, his eyes on him, watching his intimidating stare, and Olivia's slight, embarrassed flush and tight-lipped apologetic smile, along with Erin amused glance. Needless to say he opted to take the steps as his transportation passage this time around, not taking the chance of getting stuck in the elevator with the three of them if something were to go wrong.

"Pansy," Elliot said under his breath, causing Erin to snort and Olivia to shake her head.

When he was out of earshot, Elliot addressed Olivia again, "sorry for getting all possessive, I just didn't like the way he was eying you like that."

"Elliot, I-"

"I know, I know you're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but you tend to see the best in everyone. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, but if people are guilty, you should see it. Not that you don't, but-"

"Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

"You can stop digging that hole any time."

"Sorry," he laughed. "I just don't want you getting hurt."

"Well thank you. That is nice to hear that my partner doesn't want bodily harm to come to me, it really is a reassuring fact," she teased smiling at him, noticing that even when the man was gone, he still hadn't removed his arm from around her shoulders.

Erin sensed Olivia's slight timidness at the action and position of the two, and took this time to change the subject to try and make Olivia more relaxed. "So, tell me Elliot, I'm taking a poll over hotel soaps, and I was wondering…" Erin started as the quirky group made their way into the elevator and into the ballroom.

**So, this might seem kind of random, but I had a few of these lines stuck in my head for awhile, and really wanted to incorporate them, and so I felt like a missing scene would be the perfect place to do that! I know it's not the sequel, (although I am starting to work on that a little. It's still in the early stages, [or, as a really professional and cool writer would say, it's in its 'infancy,'] but be patient with me, I beg of you!) but it's still something. And I'm having a lack of E/O mini-meltdown, and this cured it a little bit. I hope you liked it and a review would make my day amidst these painful finals before break…**

**P.S: Please point out any grammar/spelling error out to me. I did proofread, but I've been studying a ridiculous amount and my brain literally hurts, so please point them out and don't be too harsh if you find some. Sorry in advance!**


End file.
